Grifters and management gurus

A terrifying newsletter for Halloween

This weekend, I listened to a few episodes of If Books Could Kill, a podcast about popular nonfiction books.  The 4-Hour Work Week episode (Spotify) nearly brought on a panic attack. Tim Ferriss wrote this book in 2007, and it became a sensation. I was working with a business coach at the time, trying to figure out yet another strategy. (Anyone working in media in the 21^st century has had to constantly reinvent themselves.) The coach suggested that I read the 4-Hour Work Week, and the book is so terrible that I refuse to link to it. Don’t even get it from the library.

Tim Ferriss’s advice boils down to making money by grifting. He was running two scams himself. The first was a skeevy nutritional supplement company that he ran with the help of a manufacturer that would drop-ship and a passel of virtual assistants based in India. This allowed him to earn enough money to live cheaply outside the US. He made sure to tell readers that he was hanging out with hot babes and drinking excellent wine while we chumps were working for The Man.

The story had a whiff of trust-fund baby to it. Ferriss grew up in East Hampton, New York, went to prep school at St. Paul’s, and claims to have talked his way into Princeton. Super relatable! Also, there’s a lot of hanging out with hot babes.

Ferriss’s second scam was publishing a book that told people to create a grift. And I realized that I fell for it because I bought a copy of the book. I was one of his marks, and I didn’t like it one bit.

I ended up firing the coach that week.

The book was wildly popular among young tech bros who were burned out on their jobs and who wanted a lifestyle that impressed other people. When I read the book, I was 43 and had a spouse, a kid, and a mortgage. I liked my work, and still do, although I am tired of the constant reinvention. I had no desire to leave everything behind, rip people off, and hang out with hot babes at Eastern European ski resorts.

Anyway, the podcast got me thinking about all of the terrible slogans propagated by business and human potential grifters gurus. Including:

Work smarter, not harder! Translation: you’re lazy and dumb, and you don’t need any resources. Figure it out yourself.

Get up an hour before the rest of your family to work on your passion project! My husband likes to get up at 6 to have quiet time reading the paper and drinking coffee. So, I guess I have to get up at 5? But then he would lose his quiet time, so would he have to get up at 4? In other words, people who want to get ahead shouldn’t sleep.

Make your workout time the most important appointment on your calendar: No matter how “inviolable” you consider your HIIT class, it is no match for a kid throwing up at school, an angry customer with a data breach, or an-all hands meeting that the CEO decided to schedule that morning. You might be able to keep your workout if you schedule it for 5:00 am. Also, people who want to get ahead shouldn’t sleep.

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it. While we all occasionally make excuses for things that we don’t want to do, there’s a difference between an excuse and a constraint. Not all constraints are excuses. A doctor’s appointment, a funeral, or a parent-teacher conference is not an excuse. If we put our minds to it, we can often find ways around some of our constraints, but not always. You can outsource grocery shopping but not your kid’s graduation. By the way, this quote is from Jordan Belfort of Wolf of Wall Street fame, who apparently considered the Securities Exchange Act of 1934 to be a bullshit story.

Do or do not do; there is no try. I know this is sacrilegious in many circles, but Yoda is wrong. Trying is how we learn. We will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Things will come up, and they will prevent you from getting everything done. That’s okay. The Talmud says, “It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it; If you have studied much Torah, you shall be given much reward.” The same goes for just about everything significant thing that we work at but don’t get done.

There is no I in team: You’re not getting a bonus.

What terrible work advice have you heard? Share in the comments.