When to say yes, when to say no

And other life lessons

My husband lost his sister in 2022 and I lost a brother in 2023. We’re both trying hard to say yes to things, because we know that our deceased siblings both lived well and good until the end. Then, in January, I was at a networking event where a Google executive told the group that she set boundaries by saying no to three things every quarter. I love it. It keeps “yes, and” mode from becoming overwhelming.

So far this quarter, I turned down a volunteer opportunity that I knew would make me cranky, and I passed on an inquiry to ghostwrite a book about crypto. I knew that I could not pretend to be all-in on crypto during the time it would take to write a manuscript, no matter how well it paid. (Also, all the crypto bros want to publish books, but what is there to say?)

I have one more no left between now and March 31. What will it be? The very idea feels powerful.

As for saying yes, last month a Facebook friend posted that she had an extra ticket to see a band called Brigitte Calls Me Baby. Would anyone like to join her? I said yes. She is someone I have known since college; I always liked her but for whatever reason, we never really hung out. On Saturday night, we finally did and had a lovely time. We are both convinced that the band is going to be huge, too. We’ll be able to say that we saw Brigitte Calls Me Baby before they got popular.

I found some good articles online about related topics:

Best-selling author Leslie Jamison talks about how she learned to say no. (NYTimes gift link)

Several years ago, Cleveland writer Regina Brett wrote a list of 50 life lessons that she discusses in her book God Never Blinks (Amazon affiliate link). The list went viral and somehow ended up with the claim that Brett was 90 (she is not; she is currently 67) and with Iris Apfel’s on top of it. Iris Apfel died recently at age 102, and Brett wrote a new list of life lessons that she learned from Iris Apfel.

Isabelli Rossellini is between Regina Brett and Iris Apfel in age, and she has some fantastic thoughts about aging. And farming. (NYTimes gift link)

Finally, the Harvard Business Review has evidence that people probably like you more than you think, which should make it easier to say yes.

And now, check out Brigitte Calls Me Baby: